I haven't blogged in ages (over a year and a half). Didn't want to start a new blog but wanted to get back to doing this.

This first post is just going to give a list of the characters. And ask for comments asking questions so I can really get into the nitty gritty with everything.

Myself: Cattiva Gattina. Burlesque performer with the Thunder Kittens. Independent fire performer (who has her first produced show coming up Feb. 20th). Member of Generation Kink. Knitter, photographer, soap maker, jewelry maker. Housewife trapped in a world that requires me to work.

Woodsmith: My husband. We've been together since June 2009. Met through a mutual friend at Gay Pride Festival that year. He is really big in Ren Faire and basically anything that lets him dress up and do costuming. Really good with wood, leather, and making electronic thingymabobs.

Tighearn: My boyfriend. He and I started talking in August and met in October. He and I are also developing a power exchange (D/s or M/s) to our relationship and he's already gotten me very interested in a few new fetishes. He's also a member of Generation Kink.

Merry: Tighearn's wife/slave and my metamour. She is also my fire protege. Amazing woman who I am lucky to have in my life. She's my sister (in what it is we do). Up and coming burlesque and fire performer. Very much a doll.

NT: Merry's boyfriend/dom. Lives with them. Another one of those awesome guys. A part of the family that I now have.

Those I guess are the main players (or at least the ones who will be the most prevalent in this blog). I'll do small intros whenever someone else is coming into effect.

Wow...

It's been a while since I last talked on here.  I got into a very dark place to say the least and didn't want to really do anything. So I'm gonna try to catch up on what all happened.

In May Lamian, Primal, and myself went to Interfuse along with Incendia. Unfortunately Peaseblossum had some really bad family news and was unable to make it. Interfuse was an amazing experience however and one that showed me that the burner community is a community I have to be a part of.

I also got some new fire toys, a fire orb and a levitation wand.  I also came up with an amazing idea for a fire safe performance outfit that I have to eventually make (it's leather and a fae).

After that I ended up taking a break from Thunder Kittens because of how dark things were getting. I joined the boys on their Dungeons and Dragons game which has been really fun so far.

A couple of weeks ago I ended up in the hospital.  I'm doing much better now though.

Outside of that things have been mostly good.  There's some stuff that will need to be worked on that until everything is better (which I know it will be), I don't want to talk about it on here. It's family business and we need to have the chance to work everything out before people know about it.

I do still wish I could tell my parents about being poly. It's one of the hardest things for me to do hide who I am from them. I wish that they could know how important Primal, Lamian, Darkeyes, and Peaseblossum are to me since they already know how much Woodsmith is. All of them are my loves, my best friends, and my family. And since I see my family in my life forever I would love my parents to know what things are.

Hopefully now I'll be able to keep more up to date on this. I find out soon if I still have a job or not from being in the hospital and will be seeing some of my loves tomorrow.

Power

Power. Control. Strength. All of these words can mean the same. Power is strength, both physical and mental. Power is control of your life and world. You can have power, take power, give power, and have power taken away from you. Everyone has power, but not everyone uses it the same way.

So how do I have power?  When I horseback ride I am able to bend an animal 10X my weight to my will and have it work with me rather than in opposition.  I control my life by finding and making time to model, perform burlesque, take pictures, knit, and play with fire. I have power by choosing to give up power on a daily basis.

I have actively and respectably given up power in two areas in my life. In my work life I give up power daily by going to work when I would rather be at home to take care of things and do freelance work. More importantly I give up personal power to 5 amazing people on a regular basis.  I submit to them all, even though I would love to have more power taken by service or play tasks from all of them. Also, despite the fact I do not desire any relationships outside of these 5 I have, if I was to look elsewhere I give up power by making it clear that I would want all of them to approve of me doing so and with the person.  I belong to five people and get strength in the moments that I give my power to them.

Power has been taken in multiple ways.  I had my virginity stolen.  I had my ability to fight corrupted. The knowledge that people protect each other was erased.  I had wished I had my life stolen.  I had even my ability to consent ripped away. I lost any possibility of sanctuary. I lost myself to alcohol and sex. I had the ability to find love removed. I had the choice of friends and clothes taken.  I had my body hit. I had myself lost by others comments. I had my choice in sexual partners removed.  I was raped, drugged, harassed, abused, assaulted, abandoned and pimped.

Luckily that last paragraph has been somewhat taken care of.  I can put my trust in a small group of people who I have the ability to love.  My clothes and friends are back to me.  I no longer lose myself to outside forces but sometimes to my head. I'm not perfect but I'm getting better and I'm able to love and be loved now.

Ups and Downs

So this weekend was a mixed weekend of ups (mostly) and downs (a few). Friday night was my official Subversion cherry bursting.  I did my Yoshimi routine for it and it seemed to go over well.  I had a much better time this go around then when I had done it before.  Woodsmith and Darkeyes were at the Crack Fox for it while Peaseblossom, Lamian, and Primal (formally Firedevil) were at Attitudes because Peaseblossom was performing.  Before my routine I got kissed by one of the other performers which caught me off guard but she's awesome so I'm not complaining. Hung out for a bit after the show but ended up going home around 2:30.

The next morning Woodsmith and I had an engagement party at his parents place. A lot of my parents family and friends were there and a few of his were. Lamian, Primal, and Darkeyes showed up as did some of our other friends Treehugger, Magic Hat, and Knitbear.  This was the start of my down. At least one of them. So as I've mentioned I'm polyamourous and have a poly family. My biological (and Woodsmith's for that matter) family doesn't know. I'm not used to keeping important things about my life like this from them and then on top of that I couldn't be affectionate towards them like I would want to.  Have you heard of the love languages? My top two are Touch and Quality Time and when I have to hide away from who I am it ends up with me feeling lost and depressed.

After the engagement party, which was good in all other ways, we went over to spend some time with Peaseblossom and Primal since Lamian had fallen asleep. Was there for a little bit of time but then had to head over to Attitudes to perform for Charlotte's Last Saturday Strip show. On the way there I told Woodsmith about my therapy homework to talk about power and from remembering how I've lost it in the past the funk I was in got much worse. Luckily I was able to make it through my solo and the finale but on the way home I continued to crash and ended up passing out in a nice bath and being told I had to go to bed.

Woke up in the morning and took my shower, then went back to sleep. Finally I started to get myself pulled together which was a really nice thing. My mom, Woodsmith's mom, Peaseblossom, Treehugger, Knitbear, Alice, and TKMC came over to do a spa day with me. It was a nice day of pampering that I pretty much needed. After the parents left I talked with others about what happened to me last night which was needed. Later Peaseblossom and I went to dinner where we got to talk more about life and everything.

So all in all was mostly good. Had a drop but it was able to be taken care of, which was amazing.

Yoshimi and Trapped

So late in March I did a photo shoot with Allan Crain (https://www.facebook.com/acrain) for my birthday.  I LOVE Lolita wear and two of the outfits I got I wanted to model really bad.  One I actually use in a burlesque routine to Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots by The Flaming Lips.  So we did one set against a huge metal statue I was fighting.  The second I was hoping for a mix of a girl who ends up trapped in an abandoned building but I don't know how well I did with that.

So here's some pictures for you.  First Yoshimi:

Yoshimi sets off against the monster

Fight On

Take out from the legs

To the victor

Knowing that more will come.

Next a few images from the Trapped set:

Lost in the building

"That's not safe"

Stressed out

Wishing to be back out

Longing

Trying to calm oneself

What's over there

Did you hear that

That's where I need to be

Escape

Had an amazing time with an amazing photographer and loved every minute of it.  Was also INCREDIBLY jealous of his camera.  I want one of my own.

Happy Poly Weekend Times

To start out one of the reasons I think this work so well is for all of us we are friends as well as lovers.  It's not just a relationship but this group of people is my family.  The idea of hurting them hurts me. But this weekend was a nice poly weekend.

Friday Peaseblossom and I went to Tartan Days and did some shopping.  Woodsmith joined us there but he spent most of his time with the LHC group helping them set up.  Peaseblossom got some jewelry and I got a pair of earrings, a shawl, and a scarf. We also had tea and scones and the three of us watched some adorable little kids dance around.

Saturday Woodsmith went out to site to work on his building.  It was rainy and he was gonna be there all day, boring for me.  Firedevil and I talked about having me over to play on the tire swing; I did end up over but since the swing was full of water we just hung out. We watched some TV on Netflix, walked the dog, cleaned and tried to feed the snake (who wasn't hungry). Later on Peaseblossom came over and Incendia, who is Firedevil and Lamian's roommate, got off work and the four of us ate dinner and watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer (singing along with the musical episode).  Woodsmith would have come over but he was exhausted from his day.  Crashed there all cuddly with Peaseblossom and Firedevil.

In the morning ate breakfast with Peaseblossom and Firedevil and when Peaseblossom went to get some more sleep Firedevil and I started watching an AMAZING show called Taboo.  Just saw the first episode there but it was awesome. Darkeyes came over to drop some stuff off and after saying hi to him I headed out to get ready for a wedding reception.

That night (Sunday if you lost track) met up with Woodsmith (who had visited his sick uncle), Peaseblossom, Firedevil, and Darkeyes at the wedding reception for Lucien and Scarlet. The five of us sat together for dinner and drinks and hung out during the toast, dessert, and music time. Afterwards Darkeyes came to Woodsmith and my house so he was closer to the airport to pick up Lamian when she got home.  The three of us cuddled and watched a couple of more episodes of Taboo and afterwards Darkeyes left to pick up Lamian and Woodsmith and I went to bed.

All in all it was an amazing weekend with my amazing family that I am blessed to be a part of.  Having them in my life makes me the luckiest girl in the world.  XOXO to them all.

Photobug

So another hobby of mine is photography.  I probably started taking serious amounts of pictures in 2005 but didn't get serious about it till a few years ago. I take pretty much any type of photo and honestly it's my top passion. I'd love to make it my career.  So I started putting myself out there hoping to get there for some job type work.