Love

So my therapist has me working on why I know my group loves me and how I love them. After talking with her last time I realized my depression I was having was because I don't have a track record of healthy relationships and now not only am I in the one with Woodsmith I'm in multiple ones and they all are healthy. And of course being in one big healthy one. But that it was messing with my head. So I wanted to write a small little bit about why I love each person.

Woodsmith is actually the hardest one to write this on because we've been together now for almost three years. So the whole exactly easy to pinpoint love is more an overriding feeling now. But he was the first person that I loved and trusted enough to give myself to submissively, to start exploring deeper kinks with, and open up to about becoming polyamourus. I never felt loved or safe enough before that and with him knew that I would not be exploited if I was to ask for it. There's a reason why not only am I submissive, I am collared by him.

Lamian is the first girl I fell in love with. With her I went from just thinking I could love a girl to knowing not only could I but I did. I realized I loved her well before I became her pet, hell before she and Darkeyes got together I realized I loved her. To me she always had this aura of light and beauty around her that just called me to her. She knows how to make me feel beautiful at times even when others aren't able to help me see it.

Darkeyes gets me to feel like a schoolgirl, all young and exploring still. He knows how to push the right buttons to make me fall into a space of naivete and learning. He's able to really bring forth my kitten side because I know that he not only desires but encourages that playful aspect of myself. With him I'm able to be the young bubbly girl I am at heart even if earlier in the day/week I had to completely put her aside and haven't been able to free her out.

Peaseblossom is this giddy ball of energy that honestly just connects to me like a bolt of lightning. Her energy rubs off on me and helps me feel connected to everything. She can just light up a room with how much she cares and wants to be there for others. Her little fae like qualities make me bubble up with so much joy and care for her. Her ability to just be one with her surroundings is something that makes me realize she is able to be one and there for anyone she chooses to be and I am lucky to be considered someone she wants that connection with.

Firedevil is one of my best friends. I haven't been able to state many people as one of those numbers. And if I was to be honest 7 months ago I don't think I would have been able to imagine him as one. But he has this uncanny ability to make me feel completely safe around him from everything else. I don't make use of this as much as I should but I feel like I can talk with him about anything going on in my life and get someone who will not only listen and care, but someone that will give me a hard truth if I need to hear it. His friendship and everything is one of the best things I think I could have. He may have been the last puzzle piece to fall into place but it's one that probably needed that time to strengthen into it's perfect shape.

So yeah, I can't imagine how my life would be without any of them in it. The group of them complete me in a way that I had no idea I needed to be completed in. I love them all so much and I do know that all of them love me as well. Because honestly if they didn't none of those feelings I have about them would be able to be as strong as they are.  Thank you all for being a part of my life.