Poly and Depression

Let me preface this with an "I know my head is running away with me".  Honestly I had a breakdown yesterday and I want my family to know why.  I always leave important stuff out when I talk so I want to do this written because then if they read it they know exactly what's wrong and that I'm working to figure it out.  And that I still love them entirely.

Anyways, yesterday was the sideburns (the Tuesday fire play that the next blog entry will be about) and for some reason I started to have a breakdown at it.  The main focus is (I have to use present tense cause I'm still not better) that I started to feel like while I love my family both sexually and emotionally I felt that the emotional part isn't being recepricated and for some reason they only want me around for the sex.  I know this isn't true but it's one of my brain's attack modes to me (you're only wanted for sex).  I don't know why it started or how to get it to stop but hoping in therapy tonight I can start working on it.

Lamian and Darkeyes were really loving when I started to breakdown which snapped me out of it while I was at the sideburns,  And it's one of the reasons I know that my head is just being my head.  But on the way home it came back.

To Woodsmith, Lamian, Darkeyes, Peaseblossom, and Firedevil... if I seem in need of extra cuddles/nonsexual love these next few weeks while I'm trying to work this out please give it to me.  It helps in ways you can never imagine.  I love all of you.  I just don't love what my head is making me think right now and I need the help.